Being a theoretical physicist is not the most glamorous job in the world, in fact, to be honest it was one of the least glamorous jobs. But, it was my chosen profession and I’m very good at it, if not famous like some of my peers, because of it.
But my latest theory was looking promising to say the least and the significant leaps I’d made with my wife, an experimental physicist, were sure to get us both Nobel prizes when we eventually published.
I looked at the six foot ring of super conducting magnets, wires running from it up to the ceiling of our garage before descending down the walls to several banks of capacitors waiting to discharge and accelerate a stream of particles to near light speed.
This was my wife’s crowning glory, taking the massive equipment of a particle accelerator and shrinking it down to what lay before me.
“How’s it looking Karen?” I asked.
“Hold your horses Stephen.” she replied with a sharpness in her voice as she said my name, “Even with our upgraded hydro service those capacitors take a while to charge up.”
I winced a bit at the tone of her voice, we’d been fighting for quite a while and the only reason either of us were still together was the accelerator. She needed my family money to build it and I needed it to test out my theory.
I could have used the LHC to test it, but I was laughed out of the last conference I tried to present at. To say my theory was a bit out there was an understatement. If I was right, it was actually possible to “cross” the event horizon of a black hole, in tact, and come out again.
But of course that wasn’t a very popular idea these days and as much as science is always open to revision, scientist can sometimes be very attached to the old without some hard data.
Of course getting data to prove a theory was hard to do when they wouldn’t let you use the equipment you needed. And so, the uneasy truce between my wife and I had held for these last couple of years. As soon as we both had our data, it would end and I knew she already had a lawyer on retainer.
But that seemed unimportant as I heard the click of the main power disconnecting from the capacitors, signaling they were fully charged.
I smiled and walked over to the laptop next to the accelerator and checked a last few things, “How’s everything look?” I asked.
“Fully charged and ready any time you are Stephen.” she replied over the hum as the static electricity in the air mad the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.
I clicked on the “Start Accelerator” button and watched the numbers on the screen start to climb as the two groups of a half dozen particles spinning around the track in opposite directions gained more and more energy from the superconducting magnets.
A fraction of a moment later one final particle was released in to the accelerator, if my theory held true, a micro-black hole would be formed with the collision of the two groups of particles, then the trailing one would enter the black hole and emerge from the other side. The entire event would be recorded in pico-seconds, the micro-black hole evaporating quickly after being formed as it bleed Hawkings radiation in to the space inside of the accelerator.
Or absolutely nothing would happen.
That was the problem with black holes, once past the event horizon physics would break down, the laws of reality would no longer apply and anything could happen.
My theory was that unless something affected the particle as it passed through the black hole, then it should emerge. Of course, it was still just a theory, perhaps in a moment it would be more.
The screen turned green and I knew the collision had happened, but the readings were wrong, the final particle had emerged but the micro black hole was still there. I looked over to the accelerator and watched the sensor back around the collision site implode as a tiny black dot became visible and I felt the tug of gravity pull me towards it.
I heard Karen screen as I strained against the pull until I felt my feet come out from under me and blackness fill my vision.
I “looked” around me, though the word was wrong, I had no eyes or body that I could tell. All around me I could “see” the tiny quantum strings that made up reality vibrating around me as they popped in and out of existence.
‘I must be inside the black hole.’ I thought as suddenly the quantum soup in front of me shifted and I could see Karen standing over the wreckage of her accelerator and the scorch mark on the floor where the black-hole must have eventually evaporated.
‘Damn it, I just had the garage floor resurfaced.’ I though as suddenly the image in front of my shimmered and the scorch mark disappeared from the floor, instead appearing on a small table just below the accelerator that hadn’t been there a moment before.
I scrunched my forehead, or would have if I had one, trying to understand what had happened. Had I changed what had happened just by thinking about it?
Only one way to find out I guess and I focused on the image of the accelerator and though about how it had been before as the image before be changed once more and Karen’s frown disappeared as well.
‘Of course!’ I thought as the realization of what was happening dawned on me. Being sucked in to the black hole should have sent me out the other side, but like any quantum state, observation caused it to change. The particle had passed through unimpeded because it had no consciousness to observe the quantum world inside of the black hole!
Now, as I looked around it was obvious. Inside the black hole, causation itself broke down, the past did not dictate the future here, the future didn’t follow the past. Only the act of observing could cause something to change.
I smiled at the realization, merely thinking of something would bring it in to being and so I focused my thoughts on to my home and concentrated on repairing the damage done by the black hole.
But why not go farther? Focusing once more I imagined my home being large, much larger as I watched it expand from the comfortable 3 bedroom 2 garage house to a full on mansion.
‘And why should I not be more respected in the scientific community?’ I thought as suddenly awards appeared on my mantel, including a noble prize, no two, no three!
Along with my awards, I could see several with Karen’s name on them as well.
I returned my thoughts to the garage where Karen was still trying to get the computer back up and running and a smile would have cross my lips if I had any in this place.
‘You know, I do not really need a experimental physicist as a wife any more…’ I thought as the accelerator disappeared from the garage only to be replace by a Ferrari.
The image suddenly shifted to the living room where Karen was sitting, sipping on a glass of wine. The mantel behind her no longer contained any awards for her, only my own.
‘Oh, she looks bored, that will never do.’ I thought as I focused on our marriage.
We had met in college and found mutual respect for each others intellect, settling down in to a comfortable relationship as we both finished our degrees and were married soon after graduation. We both took jobs in our respective departments at the university and soon after that was when the trouble had started.
I refocused my thoughts as I went over our history one more time.
We had me in college, I was on the fast track to a PhD in both theoretical and experimental physics while she was a dancer at the local strip club. We’d met one night when I’d gone out with some friends to the club and she’d danced for me, it turned out she was a sapiosexual and once we had started talking after the dances, she’d given me her number and practically begged me for a date. She’d shown up to the date in a tight little dress and we’d hardly made it through dinner before she’d dragged me back to her place and pushed me back on to her bed.
It wasn’t long before I realized she would do anything to be with me, and I took full advantage of the fact. By the time I graduated, with honours and a Nobel prize for each of my thesis’s, she was my happy little trophy wife. Of course she had more responsibilities than just looking pretty, she had a mansion to look after too.
The image wavered and shifted as Karen’s normally blonde hair lengthened and lightened as it restyle around her face. Her makeup change and her breasts swelled along with her lips as her functional dress faded to white and split in to two pieces. An ironing board appeared before her, one of my white shirts laid out on it as she carefully maneuvered the iron across it.
I smiled, or imagined I did as I focused my thoughts on stepping out of the black hole and in to the room with Karen.
I opened my eyes as Karen glanced up, “Oh my god, like hi Stephen!” she squealed as she set the iron upright on the board and tottered around it in her platform heels to through her arms around me and place a passionate kiss on my lips.
“Did you, like, have a good day at work?” she asked when she finally pulled back.
“I did, I think I’ve had a break through.”
Karen let out a gasp as I watched her eyes light up. She pushed back just a bit farther, grabbed the two sides of her top and pulled them apart, exposing her rock hard nipples.
“Oh my god that’s so amazing! Like, look how hard my nipples are!” she said as I reached out and took one between my thumb and fore fingers, twisting it slightly.
Karen moaned in response as her hips started to lightly buck up against mine.
“God your so smart Stephen, it makes me sooooo horny when you make a breakthrough!”
I smiled and twisted her around, taking both of her tits in to my hands and giving them a good squeeze. For her part Karen rubbed her ass in to my hardening dick before I pushed her over towards the couch and bent her over the arm of it.
She grabbed the hem of her skirt and pulled it up, exposing her perfect ass to me, I could see the glistening juices starting to seep from her pussy already.
I dropped my pants and underwear and positioned myself behind her, sliding gently in to her as she let out another long low moan as I did.
“H… h… how big was the breakthrough?” she managed to get out.
“Really big.” I replied as I pulled back for another stroke.
“Oh god… yes… really big?” she asked through ragged breaths.
“Bigger than any of my other ones. Maybe the biggest of all time.”
“Oh god Stephen! Your… your the smartest man… in the world!” she cried out as I continued to pump her pussy.
“That’s right Karen, you’re getting fucked by the smartest man in the world and you love it don’t you?”
“Yes! Yes! Fuck me Stephen! I love getting fucked by the smartest man in the world! Fuck me harder!”
I grabbed her hips and plunged in as deep as I could and watched her body spasm with what I could only assume was the first of many orgasms to come.
In memory of Stephen Hawkings, surely there is no reality where there is a better version of himself than the one in which we live.
